Posted: Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Broken curfews, tumbling grades, “questionable” friends… If this sounds like your household, Allison Bernier has one word for you: communicate.

Bernier is associate director of Wellness, Employment and Network Services at The Providence Center. She is experienced in counseling adults of all ages, but her primary focus is working with children and adolescents. Bernier’s number one recommendation for preventing risky behavior in teenagers is to maintain open and honest communication.

Before you go knocking on your teen’s bedroom door demanding a conference, Bernier suggests taking a moment to try to understand why teenagers act the way they do. “Risk taking is a common behavior among teens,” said Bernier. “Exploring limits, boundaries and their abilities is part of a teen’s path to becoming independent young adults.” Interestingly, the teenage brain is not fully matured, specifically the parts of the brain that control impulses.

Today’s culture, influences from the media, and the ways we socialize and communicate present unique challenges for both parents and teens. Risky behaviors in teens can range from drug and alcohol use to unprotected sex to irresponsible usage of technology and social media to acts of self-harm. Of concern to most parents is drug or alcohol use, and with Rhode Island’s rates of drug use among teens 12-17 among the highest nationally, it’s not one to be taken lightly. The accessibility of drugs and high levels of peer pressure contribute to substance use among teens. Marijuana and alcohol remain two of the most frequently abused drugs by teens, but others are on the rise, including prescription drugs. “You may not consider your own bathroom as a source for drugs, but securing the prescriptions in your own medicine cabinet is an important measure to take to keep your teen safe,” said Bernier.

Self-harming behaviors are more prevalent in girls, says Bernier, but warns that all incidents should be taken seriously. “When teens are exhibiting self-harming behaviors, like cutting, it could point to a lack of coping skills or a more severe case of depression,” said Bernier.

Despite the benefits technology brings to our lives, it also presents a source for risky behaviors like sexting, cyberbullying and engaging in inappropriate actions. “Sharing personal news and photos on social media outlets is how many of us communicate today,” said Bernier. “But it’s critical that teenagers, and everyone, understand the consequences of this.” For example, photos can “go viral” in the blink of an eye. Your child might think they’re only sharing a photo with their best friend or significant other, but what they may not realize is that once a photo is released on the Internet, it has the potential to be seen, and used, by all.

If you suspect your teen is engaging in risky behaviors, know what to look for:

• Physical changes: red eyes, dilated pupils, weight loss, sleep habits
• Obvious evidence: drug paraphernalia, cigarette lighters
• Subtle signs: mood swings, changes in school performance, shifts in motivation levels
• Social changes: new friends, lack of friends

While a behavior may appear to be a warning sign, it could also be a typical teenage behavior. “The key is to know your child,” Bernier said. Mood swings, for example, are common and a teen might join a new group of friends several times while he tries to find a group that he fits in with.

When you think it’s time to talk about drugs, sex and other issues concerning you, communicating open and honestly is the most important advice Bernier offers. “Parents matter,” says Bernier. “It’s never too early and it’s never too late.” Let them know what your values and expectations are and set clear limits.

“The emphasis here is on listening to your teen,” said Bernier. “If you don’t engage them in the conversation, asking for their opinions, you run the risk that they will shut down.” Try posing a question like “I heard someone talking about ___. What do you think of that?”

Help your teen develop skills that will lead them to make good choices, suggests Bernier. When they do encounter a risky situation, they’ll be equipped with good decision-making and problem-solving skills and feel confident about not giving in to peer pressure. “Being a role model, giving them the chance to make choices at home and creating an environment where they feel safe to share their feelings will go a long way to empowering them to make the right choice when faced with a decision,” said Bernier.

What if you think your teen is already involved in a risky behavior? Before you confront your son or daughter, stay calm. Prepare by seeking advice from a source you trust and educate yourself on the behavior.

• Present the issue as you being worried that they might be involved in a dangerous activity.
• Clearly communicate the risks and consequences of this behaviors, both to them personally and within your home
• If they deny it, or you don’t have evidence, engage in a general discussion about the issue.

If you need additional guidance in talking to your teen, or if your teen needs help for mental health issues or substance abuse, consult The Providence Center’s Child and Family Services department at 401-276-4020.